Why not start big?

Life.

I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Where will I end up? What will I do? Where should I be right now? Should I wait for something to come to me, or should I chase after it until I can't breathe anymore?

Now, obviously the idealist would say "follow your dreams" or "fight for it if its what you really want." The practical person says "maybe you should have a back up plan." Then there is the cynic who says "get real!" or "you shouldn't get your hopes up." On most days, I'm an idealist and optimist, but lately I find myself wondering more often than not, "Can I actually do this?"

I have pretty high hopes and extremely large dreams, but the prospect of actually making them realities cripples me with fear. So far in my life, I've been very lucky. Somehow, I've found the— Dare I say it?— bravery to pursue opportunities that could potentially prepare me for the future. Perhaps I'm being too vague.

Acting. Writing. Directing. That's my dream. And I've proven myself to family, to friends, to neighbors, to strangers. I've acted in upwards of twenty plays, singing in some, dancing in others. I've directed seven of my own productions—directing kids, my parents, my sister, my friends, even my high-school english teacher. And then there is my writing—I have notebooks upon notebooks full of ideas, rough novels, plays, and half-formed thoughts. But still I wonder, have I proven myself to myself?

If there weren't some doubt in my mind, wouldn't I be ready to leap into new opportunities? Just today, I saw a production of Peter Pan 360°, and I realized something new. Although Peter is characterized by his bravado and courage, he is actually scared to death. He's scared to grow up, scared to leave the home he knows, and scared of being loved. No matter how resolutely he says, "To live will be an awfully big adventure"— its becomes increasingly obvious that he is afraid of real life. Today I'm taking a lesson from Peter. I can't be afraid to try new things— however scary they might be— and I really have to trust that living without fear will lead my to my own awfully big adventure.