Sleeper Cell

What is it about spy movies?

I can't run fast. Can't punch. And probably can't jump from the top of a bridge on to a moving semi-truck.

BUT... there is just something about a spy movie that makes you feel invincible. I'm pretty sure it's a problem. I mean, if it were daylight and not freezing outside, I'd probably be skulking around the neighborhood dressed in all black trying to complete some preposterously imagined mission.

Someone. could. get. hurt.

Granted, that someone would probably be me. Don't worry, Arlington, you are safe. Although I did just take out the trash.... spy style. How do you take out the trash spy style? By tucking a kitchen knife in your trash bag hand... that way, if an assailant attacks, they won't suspect a thing. They'll be chuckling internally that you are defending yourself with a bag full of rotten banana peels and newspaper when—WHAM!— surprise attack.

Sadly, I really do think of things like that.... and the whole knife thing really happened, too.

Watch out, Arlington, there is a spy in town.

Dirt

I'm taking an Anthropology class this semester. My professor is an archaeologist... which made me think of Indian Jones, of course. Turns out; not all archaeologists are swinging in on ropes like Indy. Nope... it's a bit slower than that. Most work is apparently done with a small trowel. Dirt is moved a bit at a time. You can't just dig into the ground or you might crush a cultural relic. When discussing his dissertation, my professor said, "I've studied the same Mayan artifacts for seven years... that's a long time to look at the same crap."

So.... funnily enough.... it seems everything lately can be translated into the same message. It might not just jump out at you, but if you look at your problem, or goal, or Mayan burial vase from every possible angle, you might just discover something new about it.

A solution.
A strategy.
A new hieroglyph.
An answer.

Smile

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."- Dr. Seuss

I won't be that guy who quits writing on his blog after two posts. I read this quote today written on a toilet paper holder in a bathroom. Fate? Serendipity? I don't know.

So... maybe I've been thinking about the future the last couple of days, but I guess in order to move on to something, you must leave others behind. This year I'm striking out. I'm taking chances. I'll fail.

You gotta fail sometimes...might as well smile while you are doing it.

Day One

When things go wrong, or don't turn out how I envision, I usually get over it pretty easily. I believe that things work out the way they are supposed to. If some opportunity passes me by— it wasn't meant to be.

Then there are days when its harder to be optimistic. Luckily, I'm feeling pretty optimistic today. On the off-chance that tomorrow, or next week, or even next month I'm feeling differently— I've decided I need to come up with some remind myself to stay optimistic.

What should that be? A letter to myself? A special video on youtube to brighten my day? A tattoo?

Okay, the last one was a joke. I'm not sure what mechanism I should devise or item I should keep nearby. It should be small, easily to keep in my person. I'll think on it. And I promise you'll be the first to know. But seriously, when your planning on putting yourself into a situation primed for rejection—it's a good idea to brace yourself. I'm not saying you should go into any situation with the mindset of "This isn't going to work, so I might as well get over it." With that attitude, you can't accomplish anything.

Optimism can't get you everywhere, but it sure seems to make a lot more sense than focusing on the negative.

Why not start big?

Life.

I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Where will I end up? What will I do? Where should I be right now? Should I wait for something to come to me, or should I chase after it until I can't breathe anymore?

Now, obviously the idealist would say "follow your dreams" or "fight for it if its what you really want." The practical person says "maybe you should have a back up plan." Then there is the cynic who says "get real!" or "you shouldn't get your hopes up." On most days, I'm an idealist and optimist, but lately I find myself wondering more often than not, "Can I actually do this?"

I have pretty high hopes and extremely large dreams, but the prospect of actually making them realities cripples me with fear. So far in my life, I've been very lucky. Somehow, I've found the— Dare I say it?— bravery to pursue opportunities that could potentially prepare me for the future. Perhaps I'm being too vague.

Acting. Writing. Directing. That's my dream. And I've proven myself to family, to friends, to neighbors, to strangers. I've acted in upwards of twenty plays, singing in some, dancing in others. I've directed seven of my own productions—directing kids, my parents, my sister, my friends, even my high-school english teacher. And then there is my writing—I have notebooks upon notebooks full of ideas, rough novels, plays, and half-formed thoughts. But still I wonder, have I proven myself to myself?

If there weren't some doubt in my mind, wouldn't I be ready to leap into new opportunities? Just today, I saw a production of Peter Pan 360°, and I realized something new. Although Peter is characterized by his bravado and courage, he is actually scared to death. He's scared to grow up, scared to leave the home he knows, and scared of being loved. No matter how resolutely he says, "To live will be an awfully big adventure"— its becomes increasingly obvious that he is afraid of real life. Today I'm taking a lesson from Peter. I can't be afraid to try new things— however scary they might be— and I really have to trust that living without fear will lead my to my own awfully big adventure.